(Truth)

Hollows of my heart; 

Neverhwere echoes in my thoughts. 
Wishing to be not-here. 
I want to be with you always. 
When you're not here 
I know you've forgotten me. 
No one needs 
(wants) 
Baggage like me. 
Who am I to think 
you love 
(want) me? 
When what you really want 
(need) 
is everything I'm not. 
You want it all ... 
without the work 
(pain) 
of caring for someone ... 
(me) ...
c. 2000

Note: This was written for SM. He appreciated it more than anyone ever appreciated my poetry. He's now happily married and he and his wife are so great together! This is not one of my favorites, but it was definitely a new technique with the parentheses. I like the idea so perhaps I'll play with it again soon.

The Day Jesus Died

I kneel below Him. 
His blood drips down like tears. 
His crown of thorns 
sharply brings Him pain. 
He has refrained from crying thus far ... 
but as He yells out: 
"My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?!" 
He cries out of fear 
and loneliness and pain. 
Hurting He looks down at me; 
and for a moment, 
before God takes back His only Son, 
I see in Him myself: 
My insecurities, my failures 
my lack of self respect. 
We are one and the same; 
God made me, God made Him, 
we are family. 
His head sags at last and in anguish, I cry: 
"No! ... Come back! I FINALLY UNDERSTAND!"
(c. 2000)

Note: This was written after Adoration during a youth group retreat in high school. It was one of the most memorable and moving experiences of my life. If you don't know what Adoration is, here's a crash course. A priest brings the Body of Christ into the room in a monstrance (a large cross with a wafer (the blessed Body of Christ)) in a clear center. The process of Adoration is personal. You pray and worship in your own way. Eventually (usually after a set length of time) the priest will come and collect it and put it away. Also, the priest doesn't touch the monstrance with his hands, he uses a cloth. I don't know all the exact terminology so if I've gotten something wrong, please feel free to correct me.

Old Wounds

Standing here 
on the edge of Earth 
watching the water 
splash the dirt, 
I am reminded 
of how the world 
has worn me down 
and left me 
with deep wounds. 
Then I look up 
at the cloudy sky; 
There is an opening 
and the sun 
comes streaming down 
showering me 
with God's warmth, 
and I am reminded 
of how I was forgiven, 
and my wounds 
were filled with love.
(c. 2000)

Note: This was written on a retreat with the Life Teen Youth Group from my church, All Saints Catholic Church in Dallas, TX. I distinctly remember standing at the edge of the lake on a stormy day and these words bubbled up inside of me. Definitely a memorable day and a happy poem.

Run

Where is the joy, 

Where is the grace,
in hell?
What did I do,
Where did I grow wrong?
Did I really earn
this hell?
In the darkness;
No light,
but I feel
your warmth
flow through me.
Almost there;
The finish line
fades away
into neverwhere.
How do I know
if I win?
How do I know
if you lost?

(c. 2000)

Note: This was written for my boyfriend of the time. I gave it to him and he loved it (Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman was the name of one of his favorite books). It's about the hell I thought my life was and how he gave me hope even though I had no idea where either of us was going. This is for SM.