False Reflections

If I searched your heart 

maybe I'd see Jesus 
hanging up for you 
and Rising up for you. 
I wish to see 
love for me 
and you and I 
hand in hand. 
I hope to see me 
reflected back 
as something better 
than I truly am.
c. 1999

Note: This was written for an exboyfriend of mine who was very religious. I felt that there was a rift between us that was pointless because he didn't know the love I had in my heart for Christ. However, he is now married to a beautiful woman and they have a baby who embodies the best in the both of them. Truly, I love to see happy endings. They are living theirs and I will patiently await for mine to start.

The Day Jesus Died

I kneel below Him. 
His blood drips down like tears. 
His crown of thorns 
sharply brings Him pain. 
He has refrained from crying thus far ... 
but as He yells out: 
"My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?!" 
He cries out of fear 
and loneliness and pain. 
Hurting He looks down at me; 
and for a moment, 
before God takes back His only Son, 
I see in Him myself: 
My insecurities, my failures 
my lack of self respect. 
We are one and the same; 
God made me, God made Him, 
we are family. 
His head sags at last and in anguish, I cry: 
"No! ... Come back! I FINALLY UNDERSTAND!"
(c. 2000)

Note: This was written after Adoration during a youth group retreat in high school. It was one of the most memorable and moving experiences of my life. If you don't know what Adoration is, here's a crash course. A priest brings the Body of Christ into the room in a monstrance (a large cross with a wafer (the blessed Body of Christ)) in a clear center. The process of Adoration is personal. You pray and worship in your own way. Eventually (usually after a set length of time) the priest will come and collect it and put it away. Also, the priest doesn't touch the monstrance with his hands, he uses a cloth. I don't know all the exact terminology so if I've gotten something wrong, please feel free to correct me.

Old Wounds

Standing here 
on the edge of Earth 
watching the water 
splash the dirt, 
I am reminded 
of how the world 
has worn me down 
and left me 
with deep wounds. 
Then I look up 
at the cloudy sky; 
There is an opening 
and the sun 
comes streaming down 
showering me 
with God's warmth, 
and I am reminded 
of how I was forgiven, 
and my wounds 
were filled with love.
(c. 2000)

Note: This was written on a retreat with the Life Teen Youth Group from my church, All Saints Catholic Church in Dallas, TX. I distinctly remember standing at the edge of the lake on a stormy day and these words bubbled up inside of me. Definitely a memorable day and a happy poem.

Lord, I'm Tired

Help me, God. 
I don't know what to do. 
She is a sword 
stuck in my side. 
Much like what happened 
to Your Son. 
She twists and turns 
to wring more blood 
from my weak body ... 

I need your strength, 
I need your patience. 
I can't do this alone. 
I need you to guide me 
and I need your steady hand 
to hold my weary heart.
(c. 2002)

Note: I'm not really sure which "she" I was referring to. I have a pretty good idea because there was only one girl who really made my life miserable enough to warrant this kind of poem. Suffice it to say she was out of my life quickly and hasn't made another appearance. To my relief and probably hers as well. I do believe this is for KP.

Real-Life Hero

You sat me down 
and cleaned my dirty feet. 
Like Jesus 
you turned around 
and took my breath away. 
You showed me mercy 
and perfect love. 
You, like my Savior, 
gave me a reason to smile. 
What a friend 
to mend the hole, 
to sew up the tear 
that you made. 
What a friend ... 
and for all you are, 
I love you.
(2001)

Note: This was written after I graduated high school about a guy I'd gone to school with for years (think 3rd grade through graduation) and he played piano at my Catholic church but was not Catholic. We had many great discussions one summer and I came to realize that I loved him very much. He told me that he'd had a crush on me for years but as we got to know each other he realized that we were not meant to be together in any way other than as friends. He handled it very diplomatically and was very sweet about it. He's just about the only person I've ever met who is capable of that conversation! So this is for RM.